Well, it has been an unexpectedly long absence...
My computer was down
for several weeks and then, within days of its return, it was time to
leave
for the Balkans once more. (see my Gypsyashram blog for more stories)
For those of us who live on our
computers much of the time, these events can be quite stressful.
They have
been in the past whenever I was separated from my laptop and my
routines.
This time around, I was surprised to find myself much calmer than
usual.
I was initially told that the repair would take 2-3 days at most. I
could live with that.
A little break is a good thing. Little did I realize
that I would still be waiting 3 weeks later.
So much to do, yet I was
stopped in my tracks at the most inconvenient time.
By now, I have lived
long and hard enough to learn that the 'Universe' trumps all in these
matters.
In the past, I would have fretted, pushed, gotten angry
or indignant. I would have worried myself sick.
This time around I
responded more gracefully. I slipped out of my old addiction simply and
without
complaint. Everything happens for a reason and the unexpected is usually a good
thing.
No point in upsetting myself or anyone else over these
events.
But what to do with all that time and energy!?
Well... I
would just have to look up and around and perhaps within to see what other life
beckoned.
I had half an idea that I might use this opportunity to ditch the
TV for the duration, as well.
Most of my reading, too...
Step into the
void for awhile... Lose the routines... Create a little growing
space...
When I looked up and around me, I saw a whole lot
of disconnect,
In my comfortable old routines, I had managed to not see and
neglect my environment.
There was cleaning to do and tossing of stuff that
was extraneous to my life.
It felt good to de-clutter and renew my spaces.
Then I noticed the disconnect with my body. A perennial concern...lol.
I
began to consciously attend to myself...reconnect.
I danced, I communed. I
ate well and rested more.
I let down and released many of my old
concerns.
I unburdened myself on every level.
I began to realize that
this was all perfect preparation for the trip ahead.
Clearing my mind and
heart for what lay ahead.
Letting myself become rested and still, emptied,
pliable and receptive...
I gave some thought to how fragile we humans
are...
These wonderful tools...our computers, TVs, cell phones and the like
can go from
being timesavers and conveniences to becoming obsessions and
addictions.
What is meant to serve us begins to master us instead.
We
lose touch with our essential selves.
We even begin to think that time and
energy spent this way IS real life.
If nothing else, it seems to be a
satisfactory enough substitution...
We are meant to live from our essential selves.
When we stray very far from that guiding principle, signals are sent from within.
If you pause to notice, that is when the upset sets in and our gut reacts.
We experience anxiety and disquiet and then we give way and act on that upset,
attempting to quell it with food or drink. The cycle of blame and failure follows.
Before you know it we are living "out there" instead of living "in here"...in our centers.
Our lives are being orchestrated for us...rather than being directed by our own awareness
and the desires of our own true selves.
We have to wrestle ourselves out of the grip of the society and habits that we
find ourselves in periodically.
We are free to do that...as often as we need to.
As we become wiser and kinder toward ourselves, we give ourselves permission
to do that more often.
That is why I have learned to
appreciate these times of uncoupling and unplugging.
Our addictions are
broken up periodically and we get to reconnect in a healthy way.
Awareness
returns and we slip out of our little trances.
The societal trances that say
that we must all be twittering and facebooking and texting,
exhausting ourselves with endless chatter and involvement.
Our family work
and personal trances that call for too much busyness,
too much self-criticism
and self- improvement.
These are ideas that drum relentlessly in people's
heads.
Other people's opinions that rob us of the simple peace and happiness
of being here,
of being alive, of just living...without obligation, pressure
and guilt.
Recovering, protecting and
preserving our essential selves...and, above all, expressing them.
