If you are new to this blog, I invite you to start with the earlier posts.
This information builds upon the earlier material .
Treat yourself with kindness and acceptance...
Read them slowly...take some notes as memories surface....
Monday, February 6, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Compassion for Ourselves
Because we are so often in conflict with our knowing, our gut instincts, our built-in guidance system,
we experience distress signals from our stomach region. It is our body's way of signaling us that
something is amiss. Nature will turn up the volume over time so that we can hear it over all the
commotion of life. If only we had been taught to read those distress signals for what they are...
Instead we are taught to wage war against the symptoms.
Now, consider this....from the time we were born, our parents would respond to our disturbances
by putting something in our mouths...often a pacifier or bottle. In some other cultures a child is soothed by massage...touch. But, in our culture, it is usually a bottle...usually administered
to stop crying. So there is a double message there. 'Let's 'bottle it up!'
Is it any wonder that we instinctively respond to upset by stuffing something in our mouths to stop
our uncomfortable emotions?
Let's forgive ourselves for this response...it is natural. It's all we have ever known...
If our parents were impatient with us, we also imbibed that emotion. We then go on to treat ourselves with impatience, frustration, anger, upset.
Let's separate ourselves a little from those early influences. There was a glitch in your parenting.
We can reverse that sort of thing. How? By backing up a little and re-parenting ourselves...
making some better history. Taking the time to hear our upsets and respond to them with a little
gentleness and compassion. It is OK to cry a little...or a lot. There are tears from way back that
simply need to be cried...released. Treat yourself as you would a tender child. As you do that
sort of thing, there is a steady lessening of internal pressure, unhappiness, fear and pain.
You begin to normalize in many ways.. It will take a lot of compassion and some time...
Remember...you are deserving of and worth that time. You need it.... Life has been difficult...
we experience distress signals from our stomach region. It is our body's way of signaling us that
something is amiss. Nature will turn up the volume over time so that we can hear it over all the
commotion of life. If only we had been taught to read those distress signals for what they are...
Instead we are taught to wage war against the symptoms.
Now, consider this....from the time we were born, our parents would respond to our disturbances
by putting something in our mouths...often a pacifier or bottle. In some other cultures a child is soothed by massage...touch. But, in our culture, it is usually a bottle...usually administered
to stop crying. So there is a double message there. 'Let's 'bottle it up!'
Is it any wonder that we instinctively respond to upset by stuffing something in our mouths to stop
our uncomfortable emotions?
Let's forgive ourselves for this response...it is natural. It's all we have ever known...
If our parents were impatient with us, we also imbibed that emotion. We then go on to treat ourselves with impatience, frustration, anger, upset.
Let's separate ourselves a little from those early influences. There was a glitch in your parenting.
We can reverse that sort of thing. How? By backing up a little and re-parenting ourselves...
making some better history. Taking the time to hear our upsets and respond to them with a little
gentleness and compassion. It is OK to cry a little...or a lot. There are tears from way back that
simply need to be cried...released. Treat yourself as you would a tender child. As you do that
sort of thing, there is a steady lessening of internal pressure, unhappiness, fear and pain.
You begin to normalize in many ways.. It will take a lot of compassion and some time...
Remember...you are deserving of and worth that time. You need it.... Life has been difficult...
Friday, February 3, 2012
Trusting Your Gut
Throughout our lives,we have been taught to manage everything by way of the brain in our head...
never knowing that we had another brain...the one in our stomachs!
A very capable and smart brain at that!
If you think about various events in your life, you can recall many times that you wrestled
with yourself over choices that needed to be made.
Let's take an example...Let's say that a salesman shows up at the door. You go to answer and the family dog trots along at your side. You find a smiling face and you smile back , but your dog begins to growl and snarl at the stranger.
Do you listen to your dog ? Probably not ...Instead you override your dog's warning and continue on. The same thing might happen with a child who reacts negatively to one person's touch and not anothers.
Have you noticed that kids and animals tend to be right about their instincts?
Have you noticed that when we ignore the warning signs, that we get ourselves into all sorts of hurtful
situations?
Don't feel bad...it happens to all of us.
We were taught from an early age to 'be nice', to act in certain ways, and to ignore our feelings and our gut instincts.
We were raised 'upside-down', as I like to say.
Some years ago, I had a striking realization that EVERYTHING that had ever gone wrong in my life could be traced back to one thing...my failure to trust myself....to trust my gut. That's right!
It takes a while to learn all this, so again, do not feel bad.
We just have a lot of unlearning to do, especially if you are a woman.
As we look back on life, we think to ourselves: "I should have known there was
something wrong with that man...or that friend...or that business deal!"
"Why am I always such a push-over?" "Why do I keep making these mistakes?
Tomorrow's topic: How this relates to eating disorders.
never knowing that we had another brain...the one in our stomachs!
A very capable and smart brain at that!
If you think about various events in your life, you can recall many times that you wrestled
with yourself over choices that needed to be made.
Let's take an example...Let's say that a salesman shows up at the door. You go to answer and the family dog trots along at your side. You find a smiling face and you smile back , but your dog begins to growl and snarl at the stranger.
Do you listen to your dog ? Probably not ...Instead you override your dog's warning and continue on. The same thing might happen with a child who reacts negatively to one person's touch and not anothers.
Have you noticed that kids and animals tend to be right about their instincts?
Have you noticed that when we ignore the warning signs, that we get ourselves into all sorts of hurtful
situations?
Don't feel bad...it happens to all of us.
We were taught from an early age to 'be nice', to act in certain ways, and to ignore our feelings and our gut instincts.
We were raised 'upside-down', as I like to say.
Some years ago, I had a striking realization that EVERYTHING that had ever gone wrong in my life could be traced back to one thing...my failure to trust myself....to trust my gut. That's right!
It takes a while to learn all this, so again, do not feel bad.
We just have a lot of unlearning to do, especially if you are a woman.
As we look back on life, we think to ourselves: "I should have known there was
something wrong with that man...or that friend...or that business deal!"
"Why am I always such a push-over?" "Why do I keep making these mistakes?
Tomorrow's topic: How this relates to eating disorders.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The Stomach...Your Emotional Brain
The first idea I'd like to introduce comes from Chinese medicine, something most of us know very little about. In their understanding, they say that we have two brains.
That was a bit of a shock to me.
I wondered where my second brain might be. Any ideas?
Well…here's the answer: it is your stomach. That is the emotional brain.
Something about that made sense to me.... It probably will to you, as well.
The Chinese go on to say that our stomach is the really the most important brain.
The brain in our head is more like a computer. It helps to store and organize and articulate
all of the incoming information.
It was never designed to figure everything out by itself. That job really belongs to Brain #1,
the stomach.
Basically, this is how it works. We actually have many sensitive nerve centers in and around
our belly.
Just imagine for a moment.... You walk into a room full of people at a party or a meeting..
You can 'feel' that room... You instantly know the mood of the room, whether it's tense
or relaxed and happy.
You can also perceive the individuals in the room.
Some of them appeal to you and some you might want to avoid.
You are actually picking up all of that information... tons of it... via your stomach,...your emotional brain.
That information shoots up to Brain #2 via your nervous system hidden in your spine. Instantaneous! Automatic! We never think about it... it just happens. all day long...
Then your upstairs brain begins to comment on the incoming information. "Well, I'd rather
not be here, but I don't want to disappoint anyone by leaving early." or " I have more important things to do right now than to sit in this boring meeting." or " I'm not sure I trust this salesman,
but he's a friend of my brother."
So now you experience a little conflict between what your gut is telling you (Brain #1) and what
your mind (Brain #2) thinks you should do.
More tomorrow!
That was a bit of a shock to me.
I wondered where my second brain might be. Any ideas?
Well…here's the answer: it is your stomach. That is the emotional brain.
Something about that made sense to me.... It probably will to you, as well.
The Chinese go on to say that our stomach is the really the most important brain.
The brain in our head is more like a computer. It helps to store and organize and articulate
all of the incoming information.
It was never designed to figure everything out by itself. That job really belongs to Brain #1,
the stomach.
Basically, this is how it works. We actually have many sensitive nerve centers in and around
our belly.
Just imagine for a moment.... You walk into a room full of people at a party or a meeting..
You can 'feel' that room... You instantly know the mood of the room, whether it's tense
or relaxed and happy.
You can also perceive the individuals in the room.
Some of them appeal to you and some you might want to avoid.
You are actually picking up all of that information... tons of it... via your stomach,...your emotional brain.
That information shoots up to Brain #2 via your nervous system hidden in your spine. Instantaneous! Automatic! We never think about it... it just happens. all day long...
Then your upstairs brain begins to comment on the incoming information. "Well, I'd rather
not be here, but I don't want to disappoint anyone by leaving early." or " I have more important things to do right now than to sit in this boring meeting." or " I'm not sure I trust this salesman,
but he's a friend of my brother."
So now you experience a little conflict between what your gut is telling you (Brain #1) and what
your mind (Brain #2) thinks you should do.
More tomorrow!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Welcome to eating disorders untangled...
What you will find here some of the missing pieces of your puzzle...some unique elements and
perspectives not normally available to us in our culture. The idea of ‘hungry ghosts’, for one. Something that is well known in Asian cultures. It will be an important piece of the puzzle for those of us with peculiar and resistant food and/or drinking problems.
What you will not find here there is a lot of information already out there... plenty of theories, self help books, programs, clinics, counselors, support groups and the like. I will not duplicate their efforts...
What I see is a lot of mixed and disappointing results. Some improvements, much frustration and self-blame. Many years of struggle and shame. Few real success stories. A lot of well meaning people trying to tackle problems that continue to evade solutions.
I was one of them....
This is what I've learned...
Let me share with you....
Feel free to pass around, discuss, subscribe, question, comment on anything that you find here...
Feel free to share your experiences, as well. They are valuable...sacred history.
The information that you find here is drawn from personal experience...
It is candid, free of cliche and practical in the sense that if it doesn't work,
let's not waste time on it.
Some of this will resonate with you...light bulbs will come on, shifts will occur.
If it does not resonate now, it may later.
If it never resonates, then just pass it by...
Like clothing on the store rack...you try things on...if they fit, you buy them and take them home...
If not, you put them back on the rack... it is meant for somebody else.
Trust your own good judgment...
This is fresh material...not clinical...not typical. It will help...
This is not a system...It is information.
It requires little effort...that's the strange and wonderful part of it.
When you get the right puzzle pieces, everything falls into place and you free yourself easily...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)