I Can't Quit Smoking!

I have had a couple of friends who have struggled with smoking over the years.

One of them is a very health conscious medical professional who was perplexed

for years over not being able to quit smoking.

The other is a competent and successful businesswoman who can handle

just about anything.

I watched as they tried all the usual things to quit.

Hypnosis, medications, nicotine patches, electronic cigarettes, will-power… all failed.

In other aspects of life, they had no trouble losing weight, exercising regularly

and staying healthy.

So this was out of sync with the other parts of their lives.

They really gave their best efforts, but the problem persisted.

No amount of feeling bad or self criticism seemed to make a difference.
Eventually, it came to me to look a little deeper into the problem…

When we looked at the circumstances of their lives, when they started,

when they smoked the most, what they smoked, etc.,interesting details
began to emerge.

One woman traced her smoking to her deceased father.

They smoked the same brand of cigarettes and used to sneak
out back to smoke and visit together since it was banned in mom's house. 

It was always their special time together.

She missed him terribly after his passing.

She began to realize that she connected with him when she went off by herself
to smoke and drift in her mind to the good times they shared.

Over time, she realized that the urge to go off alone and smoke was coming
not from herself, but from him!

In the end, she understood that the desire to smoke was his way of signaling to her

that he was near.

She would feel a bit of anxiety as he approached (which is quite normal as unseen spirits touch in) and she would feel the need to smoke (as opposed to eat or drink).

Once she saw the pattern, she came to the place where she could simply welcome
his presence and spend a little time sharing the affection they had always had
for one another.

She found that she no longer needed to reach for the cigarette.

She would talk over her problems, share the events of life...just like old times.

What was important was not the smoking, but his drawing close to her
as she made her way through life...their on-going connection.

I remember occasionally smelling cigarette smoke over my shoulder in the late evening.

No one smokes in my house….ever.

So when it happened, I would always jerk my head around looking for the source.

I was alone in the house, for one thing, and try as I might, I could find no visible source for it. Eventually I picked up the pattern...

It was always late evening as I read on the computer. It was over my right shoulder.

I felt a curious reader hovering near me, looking over my shoulder at what I was reading.

It was disconcerting, but not threatening.

I moved my computer to a different spot, closer to a sunny window.

I asked the spirit to move on if that was appropriate…and it did.

Many people have had a similar experience of smelling an old perfume that they associated with a grandmother who had long since passed on.

There are many examples… We are being made aware of the presence of another soul.

Sometimes they come to help, sometimes they are merely interested, curious,

sometimes intrusive or angry...the full range of human emotions.

We learn with time and experience to decode and recognize their presence
and the purpose for their contact.

With the second woman, she was especially drawn to smoke during difficult times
in her life.  That seems normal enough on the surface.

But she really detested the fact that she smoked and could not quit under any circumstances.  It just would not let go of her.

We had to work a bit to get beyond the bad feelings associated with her
uncontrollable habit.

Once we took a stance of acceptance and curiosity instead of blame and struggle,

she sensed that her native American grandmother had been touching in with her

in times of deep crisis, when she was seemingly all alone and without support.

Smoking calmed her, but perhaps it was her grandmother’s nearness that consoled her,
as well. 
Once she established the connection, there was less desire to smoke
and she eventually eased her way out of it successfully.

Just remember, many things in life are more than they appear to be….

If simple methods are not working, then maybe a more complex view
should be considered.

The right tool for the job gets the job done.

The correct framework will help one reach their goal.
We sometimes have to try a few different tools to find the one that works.
You are not lacking! You are just lacking a workable perspective!

As always, feel free to comment and share...

The next post will have to do with symptoms of illnesses...

Anatomy of an Eating Disorder continued... Hungry Ghosts

I happened to attend a lecture given by a Tibetan Buddhist abbot.   In recounting the history and culture of his people, he mentioned a particular feast day that he call the Feast for the Hungry Ghosts.  Suddenly something inside me leapt to attention.  I had to know more!  It happened so fast...faster than thought.  It was urgent that I learn everything possible about this!

I had an opportunity to ask the abbot about this festival and this is the explanation that was given:

We are all here to learn and experience life and to grow as souls.  We must learn to develop and master our minds and bodies as well as our spiritual potential.  We work to overcome weaknesses and failings.  

Sometimes people neglect to clear their faults in this life.  They leave this life with unfinished business.    Let’s say someone is addicted…  A person can be addicted to many things....  

Gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex…any number of things.  These are some of the obvious addictions. 

In another post we’ll look into some of the less obvious problems…

When a person dies with these active lusts or addictions, their soul leaves the body.  In this state, their cravings are felt even more keenly.  For some, the desire is experienced as a kind of burning. 

The problem arises because the person no longer has a body with which to fulfil their desires or lusts.

This is the hungry ghost...

Their suffering can be intense and they will do anything to lessen their craving.

So the  hungry  ghost  will seek out a vulnerable person and attach themselves...

much like a hitchhiker... to share the vehicle of that person’s body. 

He went on to explain that in their culture if a person is approaching death, families take care to protect anyone who might be vulnerable to the hungry ghost.  Pregnant women, babies and young children, the elderly, and anyone who is otherwise weak from illness, trauma or grief is kept away for their safety.

 

Likewise, in recognition of the fact that the hungry ghosts are suffering and hovering near the earth, they continue to pray for them and they try to assuage their suffering by means of the Feast for The Hungry Ghosts.  The whole community comes together to spread a banquet table with miniature tokens of all that they might need in their present state. 

Tiny gambling tokens, small  glasses of  alcohol, sweets, miniature replicas of money… anything that souls get attached to are offered to the hungry ghosts so that they will partake of them and leave the people alone. 

They understand that the ghosts or spirits can exist on the essence of a thing and thus relieve their cravings for a time.  They know that they are acknowledged and prayed for and they will not cause suffering for those who still live on earth.

I was so fascinated by these ideas.  Here was a culture where such things could be talked about and dealt with openly.  Even my skeptical mind could sense the rightness of their ideas.

I sat with the story for several days, mulling it over.  It started to dawn on me that perhaps there was a connection with my odd behavior as I came to the end of each item that I had been addicted to. 

I remembered that as time went on, I even bought smaller amounts…  one donut, not a dozen. Finally… just a representative sample of each thing  with the sense that I did not have to take it into my body, but just leave it on the table.  And with that final move, I had relief.  And then very soon after… it was gone.

Finally, some small clarity was coming to me…